(Source: thisisthedeathofbeauty, via ill-leave-when-i-wanna)

The difference between us is that I believed everything you said while always fighting against it, and you never believed what I said while always supporting it.
What a lie we were.
The difference between us is that I actually wanted everything that you promised me. I wanted us forever like you promised me. I wanted you to never be able to live without me like you promised me. I wanted to always wear your shirt to sleep at night but now I have to give it back and I can’t even sleep at night.
The difference between us is that I already made you cry almost four years ago, and I wanted to make sure that was the last time. This is the third and the last time you have broken my heart because you will never be capable of loving me more than yourself.
The difference between us lies within the letters that I never sent and the phone calls you never made. The way that you crave my attention for everyone to see but wouldn’t tell me good morning when I needed it the most. 
The difference between us is that when I said I would never leave you, I believed you would never put me in a position to leave. I never thought you would do something that I couldn’t handle. I can handle you cheating on me twice. I probably could have dealt with it a third time, as long as you said that you still wanted me. But your intentions were never so noble. You found the perfect excuse and ran with it for your life where you knew I wouldn’t follow. If you wanted to get away from me forever, you have found your jet plane.  
The difference between us surfaced when you could no longer love me the way that I needed. I felt like an idiot pouring my heart out to a dried up corpse of a person who only comes out of his coffin at night. 
A vampire always sucking the love out of me and never giving me anything in return.
You would like to think that you satisfied me in every way, but you didn’t. I hope that hurts. Oh, but it’s not what you’re thinking. You are absolutely flawless in every aspect except one.
You have no idea what real love is because you’ve never taken your eyes off of your perfect self long enough to look for it. I’ve always been standing right in front of you. 

it-struck-midnight:

(Source: Flickr / aryssamonster)

(Source: flentes, via lettore)

I guess you were probably never going to be able to have babies anyway. So it’s a good thing because I love babies.
I’m still crumpled on the closet floor, pressing a used towel I found into my entire face, drooling on it because I can’t close my mouth because moans and weird sounds keep coming out along with black tears.
I looked at a cupboard knob and it made me cry.
I looked at a pattern on a pillow and it made me cry.
I looked at dirt on the floor and it made me cry.
I looked at those two boxes filled to the brim with not even a tenth of the things that remind me of you and cried.
I’m just hoping one day my karma will turn around and I’ll find someone better than you.  
Who won’t trade me in for a roommate and a year of college fun.
Who won’t rip my heart out twice and beg me to take him back.
Who loves the way that I hate surprises
that I pick at my cuticles
that I don’t like talking dirty
that I have a tattoo and a bellybutton ring
that thinks I can sing better than anyone in the world
that thinks my opinion is the solid one
that likes my dogs
that loves me forever and doesn’t make me feel like all men in the world are comprised of pure bullshit. 
I never thought that someone who I would have moved mountains for, crossed the country for, given my life for… would abandon me just because he wants to.
I hope you feel as lonely as I do tonight.
You have so much left to learn.
This is going to be something you regret for the rest of your life. 

(Source: holdentumblr, via sericin)

Something I refrained from posting, but now.. what the hell.. I can post what I want.

You’re In My Eyes:

A fresh whisk of the sweetest Chicago air from the northern side,
those brick red streets, 
the ruddiness of your cheeks.
You walk past me, justified, on the tips of your toes.

Thin wrists delicately bouncing against your hips
Always too quickly for my liking.
Your scent of wind still lingering.
A musk from my dark mind, enlightened by your lips.

That jaw from afar, it sticks right out of your face
for me to gravitate towards
Uncontrollably moving forward when you speak
By my web of unfocused desire frenzied by your trim waist.

I want to place my hands around your jutting jaw, cupped
living water, eternal youth in my hands
rub my baby face against the stubble of your masculinity
Until you feel me in every heightened nerve disrupted.

Your imperfect teeth, my cravings quicken
hair in golden waves, soft brown
my hands ache to crown, pull with frustration
To etch future lines on your strikingly imperfect complexion 

I gaze upon you, covering her mouth from my seat
to be those lips
her hands gently tickling the edges of your hip bones
I cannot satisfy myself, I play your voice and its slight cracks over again

Your slim body, my perfect size in a man
I squint as you take off your tan
suspenders in front of a wide-eyed audience
I can become the elastic in your trousers, holding them so close to your body

Sucking on the edge of my thumb, constantly biting
Your eyes meet mine 
I wished it was a sign that I intrigued you
Close my eyes to hide the chills that you have caused me

I am inhibited.
I guess you could say I am unavailable.

You want me to want you so much that I don’t.
I’m looking forward. 

andrewharlow:

remy charlip

(via creationsofsound)

I dreamt of you last night. It was so vivid and real, like a memory instead of a dream. We were still together, and you had snuck up into my dorm room on your way home. We kissed, and your lips felt unreal—so good. It was like the authentic thing. Funny how our minds can remember enough about someone’s kiss to completely construct an authentic representation of it in our heads for one night.
We were filled with so much longing for each other. I told you to wait in the closet, to hide. I went downstairs and chatted it up with the other girls, but you were all I was thinking of.
The first chance I had, I raced back upstairs to reach you. Opening the closet, I saw your toothy smile glint in the crack of light from the door. It was as if I had never left and you were always here and it was always you and me. 
We sat in the dark closet and held hands. And looked into each other’s eyes. I saw worlds in yours. Galaxies that you told me about last Wednesday. All of those slowly burning stars.
The thickness of my breath starting getting to my head. I was my own personal wet blanket lying heavily on my lungs. I w as suffocating both of us. I hugged you so tightly that you couldn’t breathe anymore. Your eyes looked up at me with a horror that flayed my heart. You ran away from me. I was alone in a dark closet searching for something again.

Once a good girl always a good girl and good girls never win.

white white white. I won’t go in the sun

Where do we live anymore?
I’m not in your heart, and I’m homeless.
I’ll keep repeating it until you hear me.
I’m so tangled up in you. 
I’ve lost my sense of being, and I am turning to you for direction.
You place a mirror to your face.
I only see my failures reflected back at me.
You leave, the mirror drops.
It shatters across the floor.
Myself in pieces.
I sweep up the shards, and I discard them.
I don’t have the energy to expend on my useless reflections.
I paint a portrait of you.
I can no longer see myself. 

alecshao:

Charles Bukowski - Cause and Effect

For my friend

(via ryandonato)